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Justin Timberlake, Lemongrass, the Culinary Underground, Contact Highs, and 4-slot Toasters [05 Aug 2009|09:12am]
I haven't posted in here in forever, but this was worth it.

While I thought this was lost to the ages, a friend has unearthed a radio interview I did with him about working for a day as a production runner for the "Justified & Stripped" tour featuring Justin Timberlake and Christina Aguilera. He kept it under wraps for a little while since it involved a bit of illegal activity, but hopefully the statute of limitations has run out and he should be fine.

This day involved lemongrass, tilapia, a catering organization called "The Culinary Undergound", bags of money, contact highs, and 4-slot toasters. Easily the most fun I've had doing a radio interview in my life, you should check it out if only to confirm your belief that Justin Timberlake spends the majority of his day high as a kite.

Working With Justin

2 + 2 = 1 I Might be Wrong

[14 Jun 2009|04:35pm]
I got my first speeding ticket last week. 77 in a 55. I have to go to traffic court on Thursday because the cop said they'd reduce the fine and the points on my license (Points? WTF? I miss Louisiana) if I showed.

Now, because I don't think that telling the Judge my real reason for speeding was that Queen's "Don't Stop me Now" came on my iPod and I just couldn't help myself is a good idea, I'm looking for help. Any of you been through this before? Any advice on what I should/shouldn't do?
2 + 2 = 2 I Might be Wrong

[20 May 2009|04:57pm]
Alright, so I found a job. I start on Tuesday, working in a mental health facility as an admin. There is actually a lake with a gazebo on it, I shit you not. It's creepy and awesome, and if nothing else, it will make sure I still have stories to tell and benefits to pay for any horrific accidents that may occur.

Because of that, the nice $2,600 severance package that I got will not have to be touched at all. I'm taking part of it to pay off my credit card in full, and part of it to buy a laptop. I had a Lenovo ThinkPad for my last job, and I liked it, so I'm thinking about going the Lenovo route again for an IdeaPad. Does anyone know anything about them? I'd be going with the following configuration:

IdeaPad Y550 (15.6")

Intel® Core™ 2 Duo processor P8700 ( 2.53GHz 1066MHz 3MB )
4 GB PC3-8500 DDR3 SDRAM 1066MHz
500 GB HD

Those are the basic specs, and with a little fiddling the price ends up being about $905. I just can't find many reviews on them, and wanted to see if anyone out there had an idea?
2 + 2 = 4 I Might be Wrong

[12 May 2009|05:55pm]
Since I'm currently jobless, I'm going to try to post in this more. I actually have my first interview tomorrow, so here's hoping that goes well.

In the meantime, all of that oral surgery I have had recently leads to an amazing x-ray:


You can see the holes where my wisdom teeth were taken out on the bottom, and you can see the GIANT FUCKING SCREW that they put in my head. I actually have straight, even teeth, even if that x-ray did strange things to them. That'll teach me to move when the strange machine is going around my head.

Nice, huh?
2 + 2 = 1 I Might be Wrong

More Surgery [07 Apr 2009|09:02pm]
Hello again everyone,

Why yes, it has been a long time since I've updated. How nice of you to point that out.

I suck at updating this thing lately. Sorry!

I go in for more oral surgery tomorrow. Getting my wisdom teeth out (no this is not a repeat from the 1990s when everyone else had their wisdom teeth out), and getting the first part of the implant that has to be done as a result of my last surgery.

Because of this I will be spending Wednesday through Sunday locked in my room, on heavy drugs, not going to work, eating ice cream and watching movies. I also have books and video games. I am slightly excited, although not really so much excited about looking like I've just been repeatedly punched in the face.

2 + 2 = 2 I Might be Wrong

The Most Painful Thing You'll Read All Day [09 Mar 2009|09:01pm]
Woman Injured in Sex Toy Mishap


What sane woman lets anyone near her vagina with a saw? And yes, I do realize that saber saws are frequently used to make fucking machines, but when people do that, THEY FUCKING REMOVE THE SAW.

I have to go. My lady parts hurt now.
2 + 2 = 2 I Might be Wrong

SNOW! [01 Mar 2009|07:34pm]
Holy crap it's snowing!


More Pics!Collapse )

I <3 snow. I might even have the day off tomorrow because of it.

The pics were taken with two different cameras. One being my cellphone, and the other being my completely broken digital camera, hence the strangeness of some of themPlease note, though, that going outside in a t-shirt, shorts, and no shoes is not a bright idea.

I'm gonna go play some more!
2 + 2 = 1 I Might be Wrong

Christmas and Why my Job is Amazing [30 Dec 2008|09:17am]
I never update this anymore, which is sad.

Holidays were good, I got an iPod touch which I think is just about the coolest thing in the world. I want to drive more solely so that I can use it more. I need more music, though. I've got all I really listen to on it and I've only filled 3 gigs.

The real point of this update is to describe this morning at my job, because it has to be the best 15 seconds of my work life. I'm highly saddened that there was not a camera present, because I don't think words will really do it justice.

Today is one of my coworkers' birthday. We did the usual and got her a cake and card and flowers and all of that. One of the recruiters grabbed the cake and flowers and came out of and office to give it to her singing "Happy Birthday". She gets as far as "Happy Birthday to..." before the cake slides off of the tray and drops on to the floor. This is funny on its own, but is made better by the fact that one of the other recruiters tried to stand up to see what was going on, tripped over her desk, and faceplanted on to the floor.

This all happened in the frame of about 15 seconds, and I don't think I've ever laughed harder while at work.
2 + 2 = 1 I Might be Wrong

[17 Dec 2008|08:02pm]
I have bronchitis!


I have hydrocodone!

Double yay!
2 + 2 = 2 I Might be Wrong

[25 Sep 2008|10:14pm]
So I have surgery tomorrow.

Long story short, there's a tumor in my mouth. AWESOME, right?

Now, this is just an odontoma and not an OMG CANCER TUMOR, and this is oral surgery not brain surgery. He said they are usually benign, so I should be just fine. He's worried that I'll end up losing a lot of bone because of the removal, and so they're probably going to be doing bone grafts as well. This is where the cool part comes in, as I'll either be part zombie or part zombie cow, depending on the type of bone they use.

I'm going to be awake for the whole thing, mostly because it costs $400 to do general anesthesia and my insurance doesn't cover it, and partly because I'd like to go to work after I'm done. The guy looked at me like I was crazy when I told him that, but said if I am feeling okay I should be fine to go back.

Anyway, I go in at 11:30, so wish me luck and all of that. If you want to hear me hopped up on pain meds, give me a call later in the day, as I'm sure by then I'll be on something, haha.
2 + 2 = 3 I Might be Wrong

Sarah Palin and the Rape Kits [24 Sep 2008|10:33pm]
I'm a little late to the game with this specific episode, and a lot late to the game on the whole animated series part of "Get Your War On", but it is amazing nonetheless. Watch the video and then go HERE to read all the comics, or HERE to see the other animated episodes.

2 + 2 = 1 I Might be Wrong

[06 Sep 2008|09:16pm]
It's been a while since I've given you guys a review, so let's fix that, shall we?

Tonight's movie is a lovely one entitled Zombie Strippers starring none other than the newly creepily thin Jenna Jameson. If you're anything like me, you read that title and thought "Well, zombies are pretty awesome, and strippers are pretty awesome, so this movie must be DOUBLE AWESOME!" Well friends, you're dead fucking wrong. I knew this wasn't my usual fare as it isn't technically a softcore, but I was hoping for something with a little less horrifying imagery and a lot more tits.

I don't usually like to do these behind a cut, as I like to subject you to all the horror that I've had to sit through and I worry you won't actually read it if it is behind a cut, but this one will be long with lots of pictures, so I feel obligated to do so. Follow the cut!

Zombie Strippers, or the Only Time I've Ever Wanted Strippers to put Their Clothes Back OnCollapse )
2 + 2 = 4 I Might be Wrong

Help? [25 Aug 2008|12:19am]
Any idea who the guy on this shirt is?

A friend asked me, but I cannot think of it for the life of me. Googling tells that the quote is from "A Bronx Tale", and obviously that man was not in the movie, and I'm getting to the point where I think he's just a random man, but that doesn't seem to make much sense.

Help, please!
2 + 2 = 8 I Might be Wrong

[18 Aug 2008|07:45pm]
Breaking my silence for a strange coincidence:

A few days ago an IRL friend of mine finally jumped on the "OMG THERE'S A NY TIMES ARTICLE ABOUT TROLLS!" bandwagon. He had actually sent me the link to tell me that he recognized weev. He said that Weev used to live in Richmond and he'd see him at the 7/11 or something all the time. Can anyone confirm/deny?

What ended up being strange about this is that this IRL friend that doesn't really even have an LJ anymore knew who jameth was when I mentioned him. What ended up being even more strange was this: Everyone remember killhamster? At one of the parties this IRL friend had, I apparently met him. Now, I was probably drunk and talking about porn or something like that, so if he finds this, I apologize profusely. Apparently he and my IRL friend go way back and he knows about the whole LJdrama scene through him.

Add this to the fact that I found out that two of my LJ friends in two completely different states had phonesex before I knew either of them, and you get a small fucking internet world.
2 + 2 = 6 I Might be Wrong

[29 May 2008|11:34pm]
I will eventually do a full post about my life and job and recent car accident and the top few reasons why my dad is a total ass (hint: the top reason is that he gave away my cat), but I'm still trying to deal with all that shit, so I will post amusing things instead.

Are you ready for something absolutely horrible and amazing?

I was going through some recent pages on Notcot.org, which is basically a design blog. That brought me to TrendHunter, another design blog, which brought me to this glow-in-the-dark photo:


Which was a bit of WTF all on its own. Turn the light off and you see child molestation! AWESOME!

After doing a bit of digging around that same site, though, I found the following ABSOLUTELY TERRIFYING PSA:

Don't molest your children, folks! They'll be haunted by a fleshy, hairy, phallic tentacle for THE REST OF THEIR LIVES!
2 + 2 = 9 I Might be Wrong

[11 Apr 2008|08:02pm]
I have another post coming up shortly that the liberal media (aka Chris Jay) will not want me posting, but in the meantime, please enjoy people looking like douchebags:
2 + 2 = 4 I Might be Wrong

[26 Mar 2008|07:28pm]
Alright, so here's the post I was supposed to make about a month ago. Long story short, I quit my job last month, and I'm moving to South Carolina.

I quit my job for a lot of reasons, but mostly because of the relationship I had with the Office Manager, who also happened to be the wife of the main attorney. By the end of my time there, everyone else had quit because of her, and I was working three jobs (they hadn't hired anyone else) for $9.00 an hour. Fuck that noise, right?

I'm moving to South Carolina because my mom and her husband live there. I need a place to stay for a while, probably about six months, while I save up enough money to move to a city in which I actually want to stay. I will be moving on Saturday, April 5. I'm hoping to only stay for six months, but if I decide to go to grad school instead of going back into the work force, I might stay longer while I apply.

If I go back into the work force, though, I'm hoping to move to either Austin, Dallas, Houston, Portland, Seattle, or maybe stick on the East coast somewhere. I will have at least six months of pay without having to pay for rent or utilities, so I should have a nice cushion by that point.

Thus far the only thing that is keeping me from leaving sooner is Isabelle, my cat. My mother doesn't seem to understand that I've had her for two years and I love her and don't want to just leave her at a pound. She won't allow me to take her up there with me, and won't listen to any compromises. I have a few people looking for places for me, and if all else fails my dad back home has offered to take her (which is a big step for him, as he doesn't really like cats). If any of you locally know of anyone that would like to help me, please let me know. I'm really hoping to find a place that will take her for a while and then let me get her back when I figure out where I'm moving. I don't want to lose her, she's a great cat.

I think that's it, really. I'm slightly petrified of moving back in with my mother, as I haven't lived with her since I was 15, but I didn't have many options. Wish me luck, guys.

Oh! Also! If you want to see me before I leave, let me know!
2 + 2 = 7 I Might be Wrong

[23 Mar 2008|09:48pm]

2 + 2 = 4 I Might be Wrong

[17 Feb 2008|12:51am]
I have a lot to write about right now, but I'm just going to post this instead. I'll do a real post tomorrow, but this is too amazing to not post. A man wrote an oratorio using the transcript from the sexual harassment charge brought against Bill O'Reilly:

A bit boring at the beginning, but when you hear an opera singer sing "You have really spectacular boobs," it's worth it.
2 + 2 = 2 I Might be Wrong

Would you Ruin Your Life for $500,000? [23 Jan 2008|05:46pm]
What the fuck?

This show is either going to ruin the world or go bankrupt really quickly.

Why would you go on this show? I like money and all, but if I had to air out my skeletons for the world to see you'd better at least give me a mil or something. Your relationship, your friendships, your family, your employment status, all of these are probably going to go flying out of the window if you go on this show with anything to hide. As far as the money goes, why, if the audience was going to hear if you were telling the truth or lying to begin with, would you ever lie? Might as well get up there, tell the truth, and deal with it if you're willing to whore yourself out for half a million. I suppose you could claim that whatever method they are using to tell if you are lying or not was wrong, but no one is going to believe you. The strange, disembodied voice said you lied and it did so on national television. How could it be wrong?

All that being said, I might still watch it, because I am a sucker for trainwrecks.
2 + 2 = 10 I Might be Wrong

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